An Unrealistic Dream

Hope. Hope is what I had when I had a dream, a dream I could see you become the man I know you were intended to be, and still, the man I know God wanted you to become, and knew you'd eventually be, because I had an indescribable faith in you. My hope was you could see the vision I carried or that somehow you could find yourself relating to it too. I could see so much potential, promise, success, so much goodness--it was almost as if the man I could see was already there, hoping you would have seen him too. The motivation, persistence and progression was nearly overwhelming. All the insecurities, the doubtfulness and dis-encouragements were completely out of sight, out of touch--no where to be found in the lake of positive possibilities. In this dream, all the past hurts, the wounds were far from us, too distant for us to know they ever existed. You began to believe in the unbelievable. I showed you a glimpse of how wonderful life could be and you allowed me to come into your sacred world and you opened up to me like no other. You see, I had this magical dream that somehow I could change you, change me, change us, for us. But then I woke up. I woke up to see you were no-longer there next to me, to share the dream, to bring the dream into reality. I realized you would've never recognized the person I had faith in. Perhaps you weren't ready to become the man you ought to be--the vision was overpowering. The faith I had in us would be, we would eventually become the 'we' we were made for and/or meant to be. No point in settling for a man in my dreams I could never come to see, meet, in this lifetime--a dream that would never come true. I learned I had to change my feelings towards you, the way I felt, all of this inside, this image I had of you, instead I decided it was time to let go and move on, not for you, but to set myself free from an unrealistic dream--a dream only I could see or ever dream of.

I Am So Sorry...

sorry if i hurt you....

sorry if you didn't like the things i said or did

sorry if with you i always seem to put up a fight
sorry if i didn't do everything right

sorry for sometimes being far from an angel

sorry if i made too many excuses, or maybe even for a small lie
sorry if it was sometimes too difficult for quitting my vice

sorry if i wasn't too understanding of your truth, and some of your lies
sorry that my being too nice wasn't kind enough at times.

sorry for the headaches and pain, along with some tides
sorry if at times i found it hard for me to swallow my pride
sorry if i was often too blinded by anger to see your side

sorry if at times i was complicated
sorry for sometimes making you feel so frustrated
sorry i couldn't, or am not able to fight back the tears

sorry if i almost kept you away from all of your peers

sorry if i always complained about you not meeting all my expectations
sorry if at times i couldn't fight those temptations
sorry if i seemed like a joke to you
sorry if i didn't appreciate all those sweet nothings...
sorry for the things you did and were willing to do

sorry if i kept on repeating the same mistakes
sorry for saying some stupid things and for not finding the breaks
sorry i made you mad or ruined your day when mine was bad
sorry i brought the devil out of you

sorry if i screwed up being perfect for you
sorry i could never be the woman right for you
sorry if i was such an unpredictable human
sorry for not being successful at being your best friend.
sorry if my love was too strong to take in
sorry if i may have lacked meekness and instead was self seeking..
sorry if i couldn't surrender my whole being.
sorry if i couldn't help but see right through you.
sorry for not allowing you to insult my intelligence
sorry if you couldn't handle my elegance, instead you gave me negligence.. 
sorry...

p.s. I'm not sorry for still loving you...

So sorry, please forgive me.

.......